Staind - Chapter V
Album of the Week
Date - 2005-08-07 00:00:00
When I first turned on this CD, there was about 3 seconds when I thought that Staind decided to return to making actual rock music instead of the half-baked crap they've been pushing ever since that damned "Outside" song. Then the guitars in the first song, "Run Away," back off into a wussy acoustic pattern and Aaron Lewis starts singing about some teenage angst crap that ... God, I got pretty pissed. Seriously, shouldn't Lewis be out of angst? Shouldn't he be too old to feel the kind of emotions that he sings about? Shouldn't he realize that the path he paved with the original Staind CD had so much damn promise and if they followed it I would have an album worthy of succeeding Disturbed as Album of the Week?
Goddamnit Aaron Lewis. Stop being such a goddamn sellout.
This album sucks ass. It's boring and generic and contrived and lacking any real emotion. Read my review of The All-American Rejects if you want to see how I feel about shitty music.
So instead of discussing the shittiness of this album, I have a few other things I'd like to get off my chest. First, I think the death of Staind is the greatest of the MANY musical injustices perpetrated by Fred Durst. Second, Fred Durst sucks. Third, Staind sucks. Let's examine these points one by one, in a more logical order than I have presented here. Let's say... reverse order.
Staind Sucks
Here's an interesting chicken v. egg conundrum - do all new bands sound like Staind in an attempt to emulate their shitty boring-ass fake-emotion sound? Or instead has Staind devolved into a very, very generic band? I think it is a bit of both - it's pretty easy to sound like you care about waiting for some girl, and the number of bands founded on that principle has to be in the thousands. Lacking any originality or ability to write songs that convey these emotions in an interesting way, many of these bands are forced to use the acoustic guitar as their main instrument, and a subset of these acoustic-lame bands enjoy the occasional distortion pedal. On the other hand, we have Staind, who somehow decided that the song "Outside" did so well because of a) Fred Durst's remarkably lame cameo, and b) it was nice and acoustic and mellow, but emotional and angsty at the same time. So Staind decided to get all emotional and angsty with an acoustic guitar, but they forgot to realize that YOU CAN'T FORCE THAT SHIT. The only reason "Outside" was listenable was because Aaron Lewis had a modicum (yes, that's right) of emotion in his voice when he sang. Now he's just forcing it and we have to fucking put up with it. Goddamnit Aaron Lewis, anyone with half a brain can see right through you.
Fred Durst Sucks
They covered George Michael, and because of this, look at all the havoc Fred Durst has caused. He killed a good band, Staind - digression: I saw Staind open up for Kid Rock back when I was in high school. I had not heard of Staind yet, but after hearing their short set I went out and bought their first CD, which is amazing. I never bought any Kid Rock albums, in case you were wondering. End digression - with his awful advice (I imagine), and he semi-fucked up Limp Bizkit, not to mention the incredible amount of damage he caused with "Nookie" (one of the top 5 worst songs ever) to the listening habits of impressionable teenagers, to the behavior of retarded teenagers, and to the alternative rock movement in general. Jesus, "Nookie" fucked up so much shit. Anyways, Fred Durst also stuck around and said lots of stupid shit despite the realization by a number of people that he is an assclown. Not recognizing your assclown-ness puts you in the same camp as Vanilla Ice.
Killing Staind Was The Worst Thing Fred Durst Did
I guess I sort of covered this in the previous section. To review: Fred Durst has done a ton of stupid, shitty things that set back music and pop culture in the 1990s. However, if you listen to the very first Staind CD a few times through, I believe you will agree with me 100% that Staind used to have both a) emotion and b) an interesting 'sound'. They do not have either anymore. The turning point was "Outside" - after this song came out, Staind put out album after album of songs trying to recreate the success of this one song. "Outside" worked for a few reasons, some of which I mentioned earlier: a) real emotion, b) huge departure from regular Staind, which is nice for a change of pace, c) real, real, real emotion. So here's a simple guidline - acoustic, emotional songs for hard rock bands are good for a change of pace, not a genre jump. Why? Because you fuckers aren't capable of expressing emotions in any useful ways. Probably why you liked distortion so much to begin with.
Ok I've ranted long enough. Never listen to Staind again.
Goddamnit Aaron Lewis. Stop being such a goddamn sellout.
This album sucks ass. It's boring and generic and contrived and lacking any real emotion. Read my review of The All-American Rejects if you want to see how I feel about shitty music.
So instead of discussing the shittiness of this album, I have a few other things I'd like to get off my chest. First, I think the death of Staind is the greatest of the MANY musical injustices perpetrated by Fred Durst. Second, Fred Durst sucks. Third, Staind sucks. Let's examine these points one by one, in a more logical order than I have presented here. Let's say... reverse order.
Staind Sucks
Here's an interesting chicken v. egg conundrum - do all new bands sound like Staind in an attempt to emulate their shitty boring-ass fake-emotion sound? Or instead has Staind devolved into a very, very generic band? I think it is a bit of both - it's pretty easy to sound like you care about waiting for some girl, and the number of bands founded on that principle has to be in the thousands. Lacking any originality or ability to write songs that convey these emotions in an interesting way, many of these bands are forced to use the acoustic guitar as their main instrument, and a subset of these acoustic-lame bands enjoy the occasional distortion pedal. On the other hand, we have Staind, who somehow decided that the song "Outside" did so well because of a) Fred Durst's remarkably lame cameo, and b) it was nice and acoustic and mellow, but emotional and angsty at the same time. So Staind decided to get all emotional and angsty with an acoustic guitar, but they forgot to realize that YOU CAN'T FORCE THAT SHIT. The only reason "Outside" was listenable was because Aaron Lewis had a modicum (yes, that's right) of emotion in his voice when he sang. Now he's just forcing it and we have to fucking put up with it. Goddamnit Aaron Lewis, anyone with half a brain can see right through you.
Fred Durst Sucks
They covered George Michael, and because of this, look at all the havoc Fred Durst has caused. He killed a good band, Staind - digression: I saw Staind open up for Kid Rock back when I was in high school. I had not heard of Staind yet, but after hearing their short set I went out and bought their first CD, which is amazing. I never bought any Kid Rock albums, in case you were wondering. End digression - with his awful advice (I imagine), and he semi-fucked up Limp Bizkit, not to mention the incredible amount of damage he caused with "Nookie" (one of the top 5 worst songs ever) to the listening habits of impressionable teenagers, to the behavior of retarded teenagers, and to the alternative rock movement in general. Jesus, "Nookie" fucked up so much shit. Anyways, Fred Durst also stuck around and said lots of stupid shit despite the realization by a number of people that he is an assclown. Not recognizing your assclown-ness puts you in the same camp as Vanilla Ice.
Killing Staind Was The Worst Thing Fred Durst Did
I guess I sort of covered this in the previous section. To review: Fred Durst has done a ton of stupid, shitty things that set back music and pop culture in the 1990s. However, if you listen to the very first Staind CD a few times through, I believe you will agree with me 100% that Staind used to have both a) emotion and b) an interesting 'sound'. They do not have either anymore. The turning point was "Outside" - after this song came out, Staind put out album after album of songs trying to recreate the success of this one song. "Outside" worked for a few reasons, some of which I mentioned earlier: a) real emotion, b) huge departure from regular Staind, which is nice for a change of pace, c) real, real, real emotion. So here's a simple guidline - acoustic, emotional songs for hard rock bands are good for a change of pace, not a genre jump. Why? Because you fuckers aren't capable of expressing emotions in any useful ways. Probably why you liked distortion so much to begin with.
Ok I've ranted long enough. Never listen to Staind again.
So, I really don't have much to say about this album. Because it was terrible. Really, really terrible.
I've liked some of Staind's previous work, even back when they were really loud before their tone mellowed a bit and they became more radio-friendly. And I liked some of their more mellow but still angsty stuff. But see, here's the problem. When all of your songs are about the same goddamn thing, you need more than lyrics and a whiny voice to be interesting. We fucking get it, your childhood sucked, now get over it, you're making millions of dollars. The least you could do is make some music that is enjoyable to listen to.
And it's here, that Chapter V falls short. Very very short. Like midget short. This album (aside from possibly the first two songs, which are _somewhat_ okay) is, quite simply, painful to listen to. Nothing stands out. Nothing is catchy. Nothing sounds good. Nothing makes me think they spent more than 10 hours coming up with the songs.
If you don't like Staind, you won't like this album. If you do like Staind, you won't like this album and you'll be really pissed at them. I haven't been this disappointed by an album in a very long time. I wasn't expecting a masterpiece here, but I was expecting _something_, and they gave me nothing. If you are planning on buying this album, save your money. Give it to me instead, and in turn I'll punch you in the face ten times. And you'll thank me afterwards.
The verdict: 1/10
I've liked some of Staind's previous work, even back when they were really loud before their tone mellowed a bit and they became more radio-friendly. And I liked some of their more mellow but still angsty stuff. But see, here's the problem. When all of your songs are about the same goddamn thing, you need more than lyrics and a whiny voice to be interesting. We fucking get it, your childhood sucked, now get over it, you're making millions of dollars. The least you could do is make some music that is enjoyable to listen to.
And it's here, that Chapter V falls short. Very very short. Like midget short. This album (aside from possibly the first two songs, which are _somewhat_ okay) is, quite simply, painful to listen to. Nothing stands out. Nothing is catchy. Nothing sounds good. Nothing makes me think they spent more than 10 hours coming up with the songs.
If you don't like Staind, you won't like this album. If you do like Staind, you won't like this album and you'll be really pissed at them. I haven't been this disappointed by an album in a very long time. I wasn't expecting a masterpiece here, but I was expecting _something_, and they gave me nothing. If you are planning on buying this album, save your money. Give it to me instead, and in turn I'll punch you in the face ten times. And you'll thank me afterwards.
The verdict: 1/10